


How To Battle Addiction (With Addiction)

by Zoe13



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Self Harm, attempted suicide, band au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-03-11 01:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3310769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe13/pseuds/Zoe13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between a lead singer who doesn't give a shit about their band and a brother who's determined to off himself, Mikey's having a hard time. Somehow the solution to both becomes the same thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! I'm taking a lot of liberties with this story, so please just accept it or read something else. 
> 
> I will update this whenever I can but I'm going to go ahead and assume it will be a slow story. I will try to make sure that every chapter is up to par. While updates may take a while, I doubt the chapters will be numerous

Everyone in the room cringed as the note went flat and then died away in a monotone- even Gerard, who was sat in the corner drawing something. _Probably people hanging themselves_. 

Mikey took a deep breath and fixed a blank stare on Sean, _My Chemical Romance_ 's current lead singer and hopefully not the last at this rate. 

"Are you even trying?" he asked, though it was monotone enough that it wasn't a question. 

Sean leaned drunkenly on the mic stand. "I'm just- jus' a little out of it," he slurred. 

Okay, Mikey wasn't against drinking. He wasn't even against drinking excessively as long as your name wasn't Gerard Way. However, it was unnecessary to be drunk during band practice at _eleven o'clock in the morning_. 

"Go home. Sleep it off." 

He couldn't keep the disgust from peeking through a little bit but Sean was too wasted to notice. He bid them all goodbye and staggered out the door. 

Frank sighed and set down his guitar.

"What the hell are we gonna do with him?"

Mikey pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to fend off his headache. His bandmates all stared at him expectantly. 

"I don't know. He was great for a while- the guy's got a lot of potential. Maybe we should sit him down and try to figure this out."

Gerard let out a quiet but sarcastic laugh and they all turned to him. 

"What?" Ray asked. 

"The dude's too far gone. He needs rehab, not a five minute heart to heart. He's got needlemarks on his left arm."

"Aw, shit," Frank said, though it being Frank, it sounded gloomily amused. 

Gerard went back to scribbling furiously and Mikey sighed again. 

"Well, let's just see what we can do."

"Should we keep working on stuff or call it quits for the day?" Bob asked. 

"I need time to think," Mikey told them. "I'll talk to Sean, and we can practice tomorrow before the show."

"Sounds good," Frank said, and they all began packing up. 

Gerard stood up and started packing his pens. As usual, no one questioned his presence.

It had started about a month ago and Mikey knew they were confused. He just didn't want to explain. Gerard suddenly went everywhere with Mikey and it just had to be that way.

Frank, Ray, and Bob were all gone when Mikey headed upstairs, Gerard slowly shuffling up behind him. 

"Are we going anywhere?" Gerard asked in the voice that meant he especially wanted to be alone at the moment. 

Mikey didn't give, though.

"Not unless you want to. Did you want to go somewhere?"

"I never want to go anywhere," Gerard said, but the venom in his voice didn't quite have his heart in it. Much as he hated his situation, Mikey knew he felt guilty, too.

Mikey started some coffee as Gerard sat on a stool and pulled his sketch out again. Mikey sat and watched him draw for a moment.

It was just a gun- but Gerard drawing a weapon meant that it was never _just_ a weapon. Mikey swallowed and turned to pull out mugs for them both. 

When he turned around, he watched Gerard's arm movements just in time to see his sleeve fall down his thin wrist, revealing old scars and fresh cuts. 

" _Gerard_."

"Hm." Gerard's long fingers didn't stop moving.

"G, we've talked about this!"

"What?" Gerard asked, playing stupid.

" _This_ ," Mikey snarled, grabbing Gerard's wrist. The pencil slipped and dragged a dark, ugly mark through the gun. Mikey felt oddly satisfied at that. 

"Let go!" Gerard pulled at his wrist but he was weaker than Mikey. "That's none of your business!"

Mikey felt liquid on his fingers and realized that Gerard's cuts were bleeding, dripping off of his knuckles and into the counter. 

He let go as if he'd been burned.

_The picture, that fucking photograph, was what always got him. Even through the blood on the floor and edge of the sink, even through the shattered bottle of vodka and the tiny but deadly razor laying near motionless fingers, what got him was the photograph of Mikey and Gerard when they were young. It was clutched in a pale hand like a lifeline that had been cut- like something that had meant everything and then suddenly been ruined._

_And attached to that hand was the mutilated wrist of Mikey's brother that was pumping blood out of his body and onto the tile._

"Mikey?" Gerard's voice was small as he snapped Mikey back to reality. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Mikey asked him with a calmness he didn't feel. 

"You only look like that when you're remembering." Gerard dropped his face downward, his hair falling over his eyes.

"Like what?"

"Devastated," Gerard mumbled. Mikey looked down at the gun drawing. Gerard was erasing the pencil mark carefully and redrawing the damaged areas. 

In a display of anger that he rarely gave into, Mikey tore the paper out from under Gerard's hands, crumpled it up, and threw it into the trash can. 

"Don't you dare pull it out," he said darkly.

Gerard stared at him with keen eyes.

"And that stops," Mikey added, looking at Gerard's wrist. Gerard didn't answer and Mikey made a mental note to shorten his bathroom time. "Whether you want it to or not, Gerard, it's going to stop."

"It's the only thing that helps," Gerard said dully. He started sketching something on a new sheet of paper. 

"It's not helping."

"I don't want to have this discussion." 

Mikey shoved his glasses back up his nose and stared down at Gerard. 

"I didn't ask if you did. Every time you try something like this, we have a discussion and something changes."

Gerard slid off the stool and headed out of the kitchen.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he mumbled.

"You get a minute even!" Mikey called after him. He looked down at Gerard's art supplies and his face suddenly went blank. On the blank sheet of paper, Gerard had sketched a razor blade dripping with blood.

Mikey tore it to shreds and dumped it on the kitchen floor before heading to bang on the bathroom door.

"Minute's up, Gerard!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone this week?

Mikey glanced down another aisle and frowned before moving on. Gerard had disappeared when he'd turned his back. He had to be close by as it had only been for a moment, but Mikey was paranoid. 

He was in the next aisle over, staring blankly at the items hung on pegs, and Mikey felt the familiar anxiety as he saw the x-acto blades that Gerard was staring at. 

"Gerard, we've talked about this."

"I'm just looking," Gerard mumbled, snapping out of his fog and shufing down the aisle. "I'm going to get some paint. I'm out of black and red."

Gerard knew the art store like the back of his hand- better, probably- and went straight to the paints e usually used, selecting several tubes of each color.

"Do you need more canvases or anything?" Mikey asked, hoping to distract him. 

"Canvas?" Gerard's voice trailed off and he stared blankly ahead, his hands dropping to his side.

Mikey sighed. It happened some days- Gerard would be especially absent, staring into space, and have to be snapped out of it repeatedly. It took him a while to come up with answers to fairly easy questions and Mikey would catch him randomly crying, something Gerard couldn't explain with more than an 'it aches.' Those days weren't just difficult, they scared Mikey. It was exactly how Gerard had acted before Mikey had left that day.

_"Gerard? Hey, Gee?"_

_Gerard looked at him blankly and then smiled. It seemed off somehow, but Mikey didn't have anything more than a feeling to go on and besides, Gerard was an adult. He could handle his problems or ask for help. Mikey didn't want to pry._

_"I have to go now, but I'll be back in a while."_

_"Bye Mikey." Gerard looked at him for a long moment, as if he was memorizing his face._

_Mikey frowned in confusion._

_"Don't frown," Gerard said, and Mikey smiled, remembering all of the times when they were young that Gerard had told him the same thing as he tried to draw him._

_Gerard smiled back, and it was suddenly wide and happy, so Mikey shrugged off his concern._

_"Anyway, I'll see you later."_

_"I love you, Mikey," Gerard said when Mikey was at the door._

_"Love you too."_

Mikey snapped himself back to the present and watched Gerard stare into space for a moment. 

"Gerard?"

"I love you, Mikey," Gerard turned to him with a smile. Mikey shivered. 

"I love you too. Let's go home now."

"I don't need canvases."

"That's good. Let's pay for the paint and then we'll head home." Mikey forced a weak smile and Gerard nodded. 

* * *

Mikey glanced down at Gerard, tugging the corner of the blanket higher over his shoulder. They were watching a movie and Gerard was curled into his side, even though he usually sat off in the corner alone and sketched. 

Gerard's breath hitched and Mikey looked down again to see that his bother was crying, wiping angrily at the tears when they rolled down his cheeks. 

Mikey never knew what to do.

"I'm sorry," Gerard choked out in a whisper. Mikey just ran a hand through his hair comfortingly. "It's awful for you."

"It's not awful," Mikey lied. Gerard never understood 'its awful but it's worth it.'

"That's a total lie."

"It's not."

Gerard curled into himself more tightly and buried his face in the blanket.

"It's a lie," he whispered. "And I'm so tired."

"Do you want to go to bed?" 

"I don't want to move. I don't want to do anything. I hate this so much!" 

He wiped away more tears and Mikey just watched, feeling helpless.

"It's okay, Gee. It will take some time but I really think things will get better."

"It can't."

Mikey wasn't used to showing affection physically, but he rested his hand on Gerard's shoulder and squeezed it. 

Before he realized what was happening, Gerard turned and threw his arms around him, clinging tightly and hiding his face in Mikey's shirt. Mikey let his arms rest on his back and just held on, blinking away the moisture in his eyes. 

Gerard was fine. He just needed some time.

After a short while, Gerard fell asleep, his breathing evening out and the tears stopping. 

Tomorrow he would be bitter again. 

* * *

Gerard's eyebrows were furrowed in concentration when Mikey glanced over at him. He was back in his usual corner, drawing. 

Sean had turned up and was singing okay. It wasn't their best, but it was better than it had been in a while. Mikey could work with it.

"Let's try the bridge again," Ray suggested. Sean shrugged and Mikey nodded. As they launched into it, Mikey noticed Gerard mouthing the words. 

The bridge ended and Mikey turned to Sean. 

"You sound a lot better tonight," he commented. Sean shrugged again and Mikey kept the exasperation down, hoping this wasn't a one time thing. 

Behind Sean, Frank made a horrible face. Mikey realized he was looking past him and turned to see Gerard smile. He stared for a moment, happy to see Gerard smile again. He hadn't seen it in a while.

When he turned around, Frank met his eyes. Mikey smiled slightly at him and Frank looked happy but confused, smiling back but cocking his head to the side.

Mikey cleared his head and turned back to the problem at hand. 

"Let's take it from the top again."

When he glanced over at Gerard, he was sketching a gun shooting flowers out of the harsh looking barrel. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Practice @8 ok?_

Mikey sent the text and glanced back up at Gerard. He was laying on Gerard's bed as his brother painted, and Gerard seemed to have forgotten his presence. That or it was just insignificant at the moment. 

Gerard's hoodie was hanging loosely off of his body and the rolled up sleeves kept sliding down. After he'd stopped drinking, he'd lost more weight than necessary. All of his clothes swallowed him up and made him look even smaller, like he was fragile- which he was, really. 

After the drinking stopped, he'd also stopped selling artwork. He thought his inspiration was lacking, though Mikey strongly disagreed, finding himself preferring the newer sketches and paintings. He couldn't convince Gerard, however, and Gerard continued to aimlessly create artwork that Mikey _knew_ he could sell for a lot. 

It was just another Obstacle, with a capital O. All of them were results either of Gerard's attempted suicide or of his sudden sobriety, and Mikey had half-finished plans to get over all of them. 

Gerard's nimble fingers set down the brush and selected a new one, brushing plain water over a section of the sheet of paper before putting paint on the brush and going back over the area. Mikey watched in fascination as the black blurred and spread, fanning out and following the trails of water. 

As the black branched out and took off in little trails, Mikey wondered if that was how it was in Gerard's head- the big black wish and the little thoughts that broke off and tried to consume him... Except Mikey wouldn't let them. 

"I'm going to the bathroom," Mikey said, standing and heading out the door. A quick sweep of the bathroom would only take moments, and he could see Gerard with both doors open. Gerard nodded absently and Mikey opened the door, leaving it completely open and doing the same for the bathroom. 

The medicine cabinet had toiletries in it- the medicine was all locked in Mikey's room, including the Lexapro. The trash was basically empty and the shower only had shampoo in it. 

Mikey glanced over at Gerard and then checked the medicine cabinet again. Gerard had been too calm of late, too quiet about Mikey's constant tailing of him. Mikey wracked his brain to think of anywhere that Gerard could have a blade or anything of the sort. He picked up the various toiletries, checking beneath them. His hand fell on an old hair creme container, and it rattled when he picked it up.

His heart sank when he opened it. It had been completely cleaned out, and inside was a small pile of pills. Gerard's anti-depressants to be exact.

"Ger- Gerard." His voice cracked and he turned, heading toward the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway, the container in his hands, and stared at Gerard. " _Gerard_."

His tongue felt weighted, but somehow the name came out loud enough to cause Gerard to turn and look. His eyes widened and he backed up slightly, the paintbrush falling from his fingers.

"How did you find it?" He asked hoarsely.

Mikey scoffed. "I know not to trust you, Gee. God, I can't even-" 

His voice cut out and he shut down, rage simmering below the surface but only visible in the tense lines of his face and body. 

"How?" He asked calmly.

Gerard hesitated. 

" _How_ , Gerard?" 

"When you gave them to me, I pretended to swallow them, and then put them in my pockets."

Mikey sagged against the doorway. 

"For fucks sake, Gerard, there's a reason they give these to people! And it's _not_ so you can down a couple dozen and _die_." Gerard looked like he'd been slapped with the venom from Mikey's voice, but Mikey didn't care anymore. "You've missed like, thirteen days already. Did you take one today?"

Gerard drew his lips into a thin line and Mikey was tempted to throw the container at him, except he knew that Gerard would find every pill and continue to save them up. 

Mikey took one out and shoved his hand toward Gerard. 

"Take it. And I want to see it actually enter your mouth."

Gerard glared at him for a moment before he took the pill and shoved it into his mouth in an exaggerated movement, his answering smile bitingly sarcastic. 

"Oh look," he said brightly. "I feel better already, fuck you very much."

"Listen to me, Gerard. I know you hate me, but if you ever manage to kill yourself on my watch, I not only will never forgive you, I'll also never forgive myself." Mikey leveled his gaze on him and Gerard  curled in on himself. "Ever. But it's never going to happen, so we're both good."

He turned, but Gerard's voice stopped him. 

"I don't hate you," he said softly. 

Mikey turned and gave him a weak smile. "Then this needs to stop."

* * *

Frank looked anxiously over at Mikey. Mikey knew he didn't look too great- he'd been stressing all day, trying to figure out how he'd missed something so huge. It wouldn't have taken an impossible amount of time for Gerard to save up enough pills. He was going to have to check the bathroom more often. 

When they had finished packing up and the others had gone, Frank drew Mikey aside and looked at him in concern. 

"You doing okay?" He asked. 

"I'm fine," Mikey said levelly, though his gaze automatically shifted over to Gerard who was sitting on the couch, immersed in his drawing.

Frank eyed him skeptically. "You don't look alright."

"I'm stressed about Sean," Mikey told him, which was partially true. Frank nodded in agreement. They were all unsure as to what they should do. Sean was an amazing singer, but he rarely came in sober and was always late. He didn't seem to actually care about the band that much, and he'd been fucking up the lyrics more and more often.

"Let's give him a little more time," Frank suggested. "He was better than usual today."

"I'll see if I can bring him around," Mikey said. "Tell him that he needs to care about the band for this to work."

"Sounds good. Thanks for doing that." 

Frank smiled and hugged him before leaving. Mikey watched him go and then turned around to look at Gerard. 

Gerard was casually drawing over his cuts and scars, tracing them with a pen. Mikey stole his pen and capped it, sticking it in his pocket.

"Hey, give that back!"

"Come on, Gee, we're going to go wash your arm."

Mikey pulled him up and led him upstairs to wash his arm. Gerard just followed silently. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you sure I can have the whole room?" Frank asked, dumping his bag and pillow on the floor. 

"Yeah, I'll share with Gerard. We have a cot." Mikey opened the blinds and pulled out a few drawers, checking for clothes. "I think you can have these three drawers."

"Well I really appreciate it," Frank told him. "It's just for a few weeks."

"It's not a problem," Mikey said. "Honestly it might be nice to have someone else around." 

He felt bad as soon as he said it- but Gerard was difficult to talk to the majority of the time. He didn't care about the trouble of looking after his brother, but it got lonely when Gerard retreated into himself and painted for hours. 

"Is Gerard gone a lot during the day?" Frank asked, stuffing clothes into drawers with complete abandon.

"No, he actually does his work here. He's just very quiet."

"You're not exactly loud and rambunctious either," Frank said.

Mikey sniggered as he stood on tiptoe to see into the top drawer.

"Need a stepstool?"

"Oh haha, never heard that one." Frank shut the drawer and flopped on the bed. Mikey leaned to peer around the door, checking on Gerard who was in his room painting. Frank came to stand by Mikey and watched Gerard for a moment.

"Is his art any good?" Frank asked.

"It's really good. He used to sell it." Mikey realized his slip up and cringed but Frank didn't seem to notice. 

Their presence went completely unnoticed by Gerard. He leaned in close to the easel, eyes squinted in concentration. He leaned out again and his sleeves slipped easily down his arms. The hoodie was way too big, and the sleeves pooled around his elbows, revealing every cut and burn. Mikey scrambled for a distraction, but Frank was already looking. He didn't say a word, though, and after a moment he turned away. 

"Do you share a room with him normally?" he asked. 

"Yeah."

"Okay. Do you have any coffee right now?"

Frank rattled on and on and Mikey followed him into the kitchen, grateful for his friend's surprising tact. 

_______

Gerard knew Frank would be around for a little while and he seemed to not even notice the extra body. Occasionally Frank would catch his eye and make a terrible face at him, but that was about it. Gerard always smiled on those rare occasions, though, and Mikey hoped the two would get around to talking at some point.

Then one day the label asked him to stay overnight in a hotel four hours away. He couldn't take Gerard because money was low and the company only covered his costs, and his job had been threatened when he'd asked if someone else could take the trip. 

His only option left was Frank.

So he sat him down one morning while Gerard was still asleep. 

"I have a rather odd request for you," he started.

Frank's eyebrows rose. "For me?"

"I have to be gone overnight the day after tomorrow and I need someone to keep an eye on Gerard."

"What? Of course, that should be easy. Just make sure he showers and eats."

"Actually it's more complicated than that." Mikey sighed. "He can't be left alone at all, so you couldn't go anywhere unless you were going to take him."

Frank eyed Mikey curiously for a moment. "Should I sleep in his room too?"

"It would be...best."

Frank's eyes were calculating, but Mikey already knew his answer.

"Sure. Anything I should know?"

"He has his pill in the morning- make extra sure he actually takes it. He gets one minute for bathroom breaks and ten for showers if he takes one while I'm gone. He has to eat at least two meals each day."

Frank seemed concerned for a moment. "I'll be sure to keep a close eye on him."

"I'll keep my phone with me, so let me know if you have issues."

Frank nodded and let the babysitter jokes pass by, which Mikey was grateful for.

"Relax and have some fun, too," Frank told him. "I'll make sure he's okay when you get back."

Mikey still didn't feel great about it, but he knew Frank would do what he could. He'd have to just trust that that was enough. 


	5. Chapter 5

Mikey glared at the passing traffic, tapping his fingers nervously. In the driver's seat, Alicia giggled.

"What?" he asked, the glare dropping.

"You're just funny," she said. "I'm sure your brother is fine."

Mikey sighed. "I guess so."

Alicia was new to the label and he was supposed to be showing her the ropes. She'd come on the trip to follow him around and he hadn't minded for once. She was funny and admittedly attractive, and while he hadn't told her much about Gerard she had managed to make him relax about leaving him behind. Frank knew when to take things seriously and Mikey felt confident that he would try his best. It was Gerard that he knew not to trust. 

"We'll be there in a few," Alicia assured him. 

"Thanks for driving," Mikey said. She turned and beamed at him. 

"I had fun! The last guy I followed around was super boring. And kind of a jerk."

"Paul?"

"That's the one! Got a reputation?"

"Yeah." Mikey cracked a smile.

"You should smile more."

"Yeah?" Mikey grinned wider.

"You look stressed otherwise. Makes me want to be stressed too." She stuck her tongue out at him, and in a rare fit of immaturity he mimicked the action. She laughed and he smiled again.

"Take a left here," Mikey directed when she looked a little lost. 

"Thanks. Then you said left up ahead?"

"Yup. Then we're basically the first house."

Alicia followed the directions and they soon reached the small house. 

"It's cute!" She commented. 

"It was my grandmother's," Mikey said. "She left it to me and Gerard. I guess she knew we'd stick together." 

"I think it's cool that you care so much about him," Alicia told him. "My family sort of ditched me."

"It's the right thing to do," Mikey brushed it off. "But you can make your own family with friends."

"Yeah?" Alicia smiled at him. 

"Yeah." Mikey got out and pulled his bag out of the side. "Wanna come in?"

"Sure!" Alicia lit up and practically jumped out of the car. "Wait, keys. Right." She turned off the engine and shut the door before following Mikey into the house.

It was quiet when he opened the front door. Too quiet. He was used to Gerard being entirely silent, but Frank seemed to like having the tv on all the time. Suddenly nervous, he called their names. 

"Frank? Gerard?"

Silence. Even Alicia stood there quietly, sensing that something seemed wrong. 

Dropping his bag, Mikey sprinted up to the bedrooms, stopping to peer into the bathroom. He came to a dead stop, the air rushing out of his lungs. The floor and the tub were splattered with red liquid. Alicia gasped behind him. 

" _Frank!_ " Mikey shouted. Still silence. He pulled out his phone, fumbling to dial Frank's number as he tore back downstairs, forgetting Alicia's presence completely. A crash sounded in the basement and Mikey ripped the door open, flying down the stairs two at a time and skidding to a stop. 

Frank and Gerard had pulled out the old ping pong table and were battling it out. Frank's face was determined and he let out a whine as he missed the ball. Gerard giggled and any anger Mikey had felt seeped out of him as he took in the sight, Gerard's arms in view and free of fresh cuts. 

"Mikey!" Gerard set down the paddle and waved, and Mikey stared at the towel wrapped around his head. 

"What-" Mikey started.

"How did it go, Mikey?" Frank asked. 

"Is there blood in the bathroom?"

Understanding dawned on Frank's face and he shook his head vehemently.  

"I'm sorry, I forgot to clean that up! No it's not."

"Then..."

"Gerard dyed his hair!" Frank announced. He stepped next to Gerard and whipped off the towel. 

"Oh my god," Mikey said weakly as Gerard's hair was revealed. His brother's normally black hair was fire engine red. Gerard shook it out and a few red strands fell in front of his face. He was smiling, though, and Mikey let his shoulders slump in defeat. 

"I like it," Alicia said. All eyes turned to her. 

"Oh, guys, this is Alicia. She's new at work. Alicia, that's Frank and that's my brother Gerard."

Frank raised his eyebrows at Mikey and then shook Alicia's hand with a giant smile on his face. Gerard came forward and did the same more shyly.

"You're cute," Alicia grinned, and Mikey watched in wonder as Gerard blushed and stepped next to Frank. Frank jostled Gerard's shoulder and Gerard frowned and did it back harder. Frank pushed him sideways a step and Gerard rammed into him, the two of then nearly falling over.  

"Let's go up," Mikey interrupted, trying to be serious but struggling not to smile at the happy look in Gerard's eyes. His brother wasn't even smiling right at that moment, but he looked happier. 

At the top of the stairs he turned back to see Frank and Gerard at the bottom, talking seriously. Gerard swayed a bit and Frank frowned, turning and pulling one of his arms over his shoulder. Gerard rolled his eyes and hopped on the shorter man's back. Mikey turned away as Frank carried him up the stairs. 

"Do you want coffee?" he asked Alicia. 

"I should get home," Alicia pouted. "I had a ton of fun, though. Thanks for showing me the ropes."

Mikey smiled slightly. "No problem."

"I'll walk myself out, catch up with your brother." She smiled, kissed him on the cheek, and left quickly. 

"How was it?" Gerard asked quietly.

"It was okay. What did you guys do while I was gone?"

"Watched some movies, played ping pong, dyed my hair..." Gerard got distracted and tugged on a bright red strand. "I'll go clean the bathroom."

He headed upstairs and Frank's smile dropped. 

"I'm really sorry about that. I know it freaked you out."

"It's fine, it made him smile."

"He ate some while you were gone but I had to threaten to drag him to the hospital. He's- he's really thin. He'll be fine one minute and then dizzy the next. Honestly he should probably go in anyway, but he did eat when I threatened."

"Thanks so much for doing this," Mikey sighed. "He seems a little...happier. I mean, it could be short lived but it's something."

"I like him," Frank said simply with a shrug of his shoulders. "He's a great guy." 

"He is. The trouble is getting him to realize that." Mikey sighed and Frank looked at him sympathetically.

"I'm willing to do this more. Honestly at first I thought it would be boring, you know? Like he'd go paint and I'd sit there and just watch the whole time. But I managed to start a conversation and we had fun. I mean, he got kind of pissy with me a few times but it's understandable."

"I haven't heard him laugh in months," Mikey said, hating how his voice caught. "Just- thanks. I'm glad you're here."

"Me too. I'm gonna go check on him." Frank headed swiftly up the stairs and Mikey heard him and Gerard talking.

"It really does look like blood," Gerard's voice sounded faintly.

"It does. Good thing it's not, right?" Mikey heard Frank reply.

Mikey felt a sense of overwhelming relief mixed with tentative hope. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the songs are going to be random and out of order in where they wrote them.

"Big show tonight!" Frank hollered. Ray cheered quietly and Mikey snorted. 

"Big is a relative term."

"Big for us!" Frank cheered. Gerard giggled softly from the couch, and Mikey couldn't help but smile at the sound. 

"Now where is Sean?" Ray said exasperatedly. 

"Hey, he's not late yet," Frank said, plopping down beside Gerard. He peered at his book. 

Frank was the only one allowed to see Gerard's book. The past two weeks had been a whirlwind of progress with Gerard, and Mikey had barely been able to keep up with it. He didn't know what he was going to do when Frank left. 

"Are those lyrics?" Frank asked, and everyone's ears perked up. 

"Yeah." Gerard kept drawing, ignoring Frank reading the opposite page. Curiosity surged through Mikey. Lyrics? Gerard hadn't seemed musically inclined in any way unless he counted that time he tried (and failed) to learn guitar.

"These are really good!" Frank pulled Gerard's hand off the page and took the book. Gerard whined in protest but Frank ignored him and took the book to Mikey, pointing at the left hand page. 

_You're just a sad song with nothing to say_

_About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay_

_And if you think that I'm wrong, this never meant nothing to you_

That was all there was. Mikey stared at the book for a moment and then handed it back. 

Gerard looked extremely embarrassed. "Frank, give it back."

Frank sat by him again and flipped back to the beginning. "Are there more lyrics? You never showed me those pages."

"Yeah, I have a lot. They're all shitty though, so-" 

"No, they're not shitty." Mikey sat by Frank. "I want to see more."

Gerard stared at Mikey for a moment before he nodded and flipped through the book, stopping at the middle. The pages were worn and browning, and Mikey wondered how old this book was. Gerard turned to a page, realized there was a bloodstain on it, and hurriedly flipped a few over. No one commented on it, not even Ray who had leaned over Frank and Mikey. 

"Here." Gerard held out the book and Mikey took it. There was a rough drawing of what seemed to be a a parade in all black, a woman standing at the front with a gasmask and victorian-esque dress. Some lyrics were written under it.

_Son, when you grow up would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?_

_Will you defeat them, your demons and all the nonbelievers, the plans that they have made?_

_And one day I'll leave you, a phantom, to lead you in the summer to join the black parade_

There was writing around the woman's head that said _Mother War_. 

It took Mikey a moment to realize that they were all staring at Gerard and that his brother was looking more and more uncomfortable as time passed. 

"This is really good, Gerard," he said. "Why didn't you tell me you could write?" 

"It's just scribbles. It's not really anything," Gerard said. 

"You drew a picture to go with it. There has to be an actual train of thought here, not just random words popping into your head that happen to rhyme."

"Sean's here," Ray told Mikey. 

"We have to go practice. Can I see more later?" Mikey asked. 

"If you want," Gerard said dubiously. Normally Mikey wouldn't push it, but he saw potential that he didn't want to lose. He wasn't going to let this one go.

_______

"We're on in ten!" Frank hissed in a panicked voice. Mikey scanned the crowd around them again, searching desperately for Sean. 

"Where the _hell_ is he?"

Gerard was looking too, watching the door for the lead singer. 

"Bad news." Ray approached them,  sliding his phone into his pocket. "Cops took Sean in. He got high before heading over here and got busted big time. He's not going to make it." 

"But I told the label we were playing!" Mikey cried. "This is our big chance!"

Normally such an outburst from Mikey would surprise everyone, but they were all too frazzled to really notice.  

"Can someone else do it?" Ray asked.

"Yeah, where are we going to find someone with a good voice who happens to know all of our songs?" Mikey snapped.

"Gerard could do it."

Everyone stopped to stare at Frank, Gerard included. 

"What?" Ray asked incredulously. 

"You know the songs pretty well, right? You've sat through them as many times as we have."

"I know them, but I don't think-"

"You'll be fine. He's good, Mikey, and at least this way we can save some face."

Frank seemed confident and Mikey wanted to know when he'd learned more about Gerard than Mikey knew. 

"Let's try it," he said. They didn't have any other options. 

"Wait, wait, wait- I'm not a singer! I'm an artist, I draw and paint and- and-" Gerard faltered. "You haven't even heard me sing."

"Look," Mikey said, "if Frank says you're good, then you're good. It doesn't have to happen again, just please try it this once."

Gerard looked at Mikey uncertainly. Mikey had only ever requested two things from him- that he would stay alive and now that he would sing one set for them.

"I- okay. Fine. But it's not my fault if I suck."

"We're on in one," Ray warned. 

"Here's the set list." Frank handed Gerard his copy. "I've memorized it. We're good to go."

"O-okay." Gerard took the list with shaking hands and then they were hurrying on, Mikey paying extra attention to his bass to keep himself distracted. 

They launched into the first song and the hesitant and nervous look on Gerard's face disappeared the second he opened his mouth. Mikey's hands went into autopilot as he stared at his brother. 

Gerard was fucking _good_. Really good. His voice matched the song better than Sean's had and something Mikey hadn't known was missing fell into place. The band had never sounded so good. 

The setlist was short but Gerard came entirely out of his shell and worked the crowd, not quite loud but definitely commanding in his presence. The crowd loved it. An overwhelming thrill of excitement ran through Mikey, and for the first time in a while he found himself thinking _this might work_. 

The second they stepped off stage Gerard went silent, but there was a small, contented smile in his face. Frank slung an arm around his shoulders and whispered something in his ear that he accompanied with a giggle. 

"That was fucking awesome," Ray said. "Seriously, I had no idea you could sing!"

"Thanks." Gerard's cheeks were tinged red and he ducked his head shyly. "I don't know what came over me up there."

"It was good," Mikey said. "I think you fit much better than Sean ever did."

"Did you recognize anyone from the label?" Frank asked. 

"That would be me," someone said behind them. Mikey whirled around to see Alicia standing there grinning. "Oh my gosh I'm so excited! You guys were fucking awesome! I was so worried you'd suck and I'd have to make a call on what to say but it was really good."

She beamed at them and Gerard shifted uncomfortably.

"You never told me the Gerard was lead singer," Alicia continued. 

"He's, uh- he's not," Mikey fumbled. "Sean got in some legal trouble and couldn't make it so Gerard filled in." 

"So he's not permanent? Because I can't fill out a report with a temporary lead singer." Alicia chewed her bottom lip nervously and everyone turned to Gerard. 

"What?" He asked. "You don't want- no. Wait, seriously?"

"Gerard, you're seriously amazing. You can't waste that," Ray told him.

"I don't have any experience-"

"You don't need any," Frank said simply. "You've already got the charisma and that talent with the crowd. It'll be great! Besides, we need you."

"I-" Gerard stopped and swallowed nervously. "Okay. I'll- I'll do it." 

"Perfect! Now you'll need a demo with Gerard on it..." 

Alicia rattled on but Mikey found himself studying his brother in a whole new light. 


	7. Chapter 7

Too many things happened at once for Mikey to understand. 

First of all, Gerard's talent and stage presence. So much of Gerard's personality had been categorized as _artist_ , Mikey found himself having to shift his point of view to fit _musician_ in there too. Music was art too but somehow it felt different, especially when Gerard got up on stage and just _owned_ the crowd. He became a performer. 

Then the success of their music made Mikey dizzy. People didn't just love Gerard, they loved everything about the band, about My Chemical Romance. They had some issues along the way, but now he was watching his brother command the crowd with a twist of his wrist and a few words, and he seemed perfectly happy. Mikey had had his fair share of problems creating this album, but things were looking up for both him and Gerard. Black Parade certainly was a new era. 

He looked over at Gerard again just in time to see him feel Frank in for a kiss that made the crowd go wild. 

Oh right. And that. The success of the band and Gerard's happiness were largely due to Frank's unwavering patience, loyalty, and energy. Mikey had to admit that things had turned out the best he could possibly have imagined. 

He took a minute to turn and smile at Alicia who was backstage beaming at them all. 

Definitely the best outcome possible. 


End file.
